Veggie Fritters With a Heaping Side of ‘I Hate You’

LAST WEEK I INVITED MY DEAR brother over for dinner so that we could cook and then eat vegetable fritters together. They happen to be one of our favorite foods that we grew up eating (which I previously mentioned in contrast to the kinds of things my mother grew up eating, namely tripe) and I thought it would a nice way to take some sweet brother-sister bonding photos for the blog to post alongside a recipe. But, apparently I thought “nice” way too soon.

Without making T sound like a madman chauvinist or me sound like a person with a severe anger-management problem, I will simply state that things did not go as planned. No sooner had the first balls of batter been plopped in the sizzling oil than a brutal argument broke out. Doors were slammed; words were thrown.

So when you wonder why the fritter photo series is not complete, just know that I slammed down the spatula and said “you make the fucking fritters!” before any had been finished.

I guess this post is far more authentic than the one I had originally in mind (we actually don’t ever cook together—T just likes to show up at our house when food is being served). But I’m providing the recipe anyway; perhaps you’ll have better luck with it than we did. And if you do, please let us know.

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Salem Family Veggie Fritters
For about 20 fritters you will need:

about 3 cups steamed broccoli (about 1 large bunch) chopped finely or mashed
2 cups cooked rice (or substitute another grain)
½ cup of chopped fresh parsley
1 medium-size onion
2 minced cloves of garlic (optional, my mother hates garlic)
salt and pepper to taste
a dash of soy sauce
2 large eggs
several handfuls of cornmeal
about ¼ cup olive oil

In a cast-iron skillet heat about a ¼-inch coating of olive oil on medium. In a large wooden bowl mix together the chopped broccoli, rice, onion, garlic and parsley. Add salt and pepper to taste. Make a small “nest” or indentation in the center of the batter for the eggs. Beat the mixture with a fork, starting in the center with the eggs and gradually incorporating the rest of the batter.

Coat hands with cornmeal, keeping some extra cornmeal handy in a smaller, separate bowl. Using your hands, scoop out balls of batter (smaller portions will cook faster) and drop them into the hot pan. Use a spatula to flatten the balls into “patties” in the pan. Cook on both sides for about 4 minutes, flipping the patties when crispy and brown. As the fritters come out of the pan, let them cool in a bowl lined with a paper towel. Serve warm or cold.

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