Comments on: You Say a Version, I Say Aversion

By: marionroach

marionroach — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 11:08:29 +0000

Hello, Nina. We are so glad to read you here. Well,you certainly have experienced the She Said/She Said of life, haven’t you? It is, indeed, a dangerous thing to expose our stories to the protagonist. What a wonderful phrase, and how weighty. But here’s the extension of it: Never let the response stop the writing. Nope. Even when we get swatted down by our very siblings, we write. We write on. That’s what writers do. So write on, Nina.

By: nina pattison

nina pattison — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 03:23:34 +0000

I wrote a story about my perfect sister. She took care of me at a time I really needed caring for. She’s 15 months younger. She was generous and loving and caring. My mother wasn’t. I wanted to write about how lovely she was in my life. I showed it to a couple of friends and they loved it and encouraged me to send it to her. Which I did. Finally, after several weeks I called her to see if she’d gotten it. “Yes” she said. Period. When I asked what she thought of it, she said it made her so sad because my life was such a misery and hers was so happy. She has not mentioned the story again. And neither have I. It’s a dangerous thing to expose our stories to the protagonist.
She acted as though she was angry with me. oh, dear! It wasnt supposed to do that!
That’s our different lives with the same parents and brothers, same house, same dog and cats, but, oh what a distance!

By: marionroach

marionroach — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 12:55:54 +0000

Hi, Jane. And welcome to the alternating reality that is She Said/She Said, here on TSP. We’re glad to have you here, and delighted that you love the blog. It was quite a breakthrough for us when we realized that we are different because we grew up in the same household, not in spite of it. Fascinating reality, isn’t it? Yes: Your version is indeed your version. And hard won, no doubt. Stay tuned for lots more, please.

By: jane

jane — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 01:33:45 +0000

firstly i love your blog

secondly – i have loved reading this aversion a version story…

i have recently decided i need to stop trying to justify my point of view of my childhood/fraught relationship with my mother because it is how it is for me and all i am doing by trying to convince others is staying stuck ina black smelly place….

my version is my version – it happened to me that way but i don’t need anyone else to vindicate that for me… my truth alone!

thankyou

By: marionroach

marionroach — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 18:44:42 +0000

Oh, we're deranged enough most days to at least deserve a small footnote, if only for our bra rants, doncha think?

By: Square-Peg Karen

Square-Peg Karen — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 18:41:42 +0000

Oh Marion, I wasn’t suggesting that TSP belongs in the Diagnostic Manual..lol, I was just saying I’d have loved your post even if I had never been a therapist. But hey, if TSP winds up in the book – well, that’s the kind of insanity I want some more of!!

By: marionroach

marionroach — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 16:09:08 +0000

Hey there, Square-Peg Karen. So glad to see you on this part of the site, having met you over here. So glad you like our differing ways of looking at the world. Ah, I'm not sure if the insanity we specialize in at TSP is yet listed in the DSM, but there's always room to hope. Please keep visiting us, and thank your Slightly-British Daughter for the into. We're deeply grateful.

By: Square-Peg Karen

Square-Peg Karen — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 14:52:22 +0000

ohmyword I LOVE this…especially as a psychotherapist-in-remission (lol)..but I swear I’d have loved it even if I never picked up a DSM. Soooo witty and wise – so sister hearted and the picture is hilarious!! The fact that our outlook – our view – our WORLD – can change by changing something as tiny as one word is sooo true. And the fact that we each have different stories about the SAME event is such a great reminder! Thank you for this – for the whole sister/sister blog/site deal – wonderful!

My beloved daughter, Slightly-British Daughter (as I’ve nicknamed her), frightens me – she’s the one who pointed me over here – and she threatens to “she said/she said” some of my writing – oh nooooooooooooo!

By: marionroach

marionroach — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 12:06:47 +0000

Hi, Deb: “A Fist and an Arm” could be a title for a parenting memoir if we could just come up with the next phrase, as in, “A Fist and an Arm and a ..,” to include your good role, that third role–parents–in a growing-up tale. Very interesting to think of it that way, as the tripod, especially with your intelligent reminder not to label the tales. Do tell us more.

By: Deb Wilson

Deb Wilson — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 20:34:31 +0000

This really struck a chord with me.

I tried not to get caught in the middle of brother/sister dust ups between my two children. However when the older brother would dismiss his younger sister by saying “that didn’t hurt, I didn’t hit you that hard” after he’d slugged her and she’d complained “that HURT!” I felt obliged to step in.

I reminded him this experience they shared had at least two parts (a fist and an arm). He was ever/only going to be able to be fully aware of one of those parts until and unless his sister shared her second part of the event with him.

If we can move past trying to label our versions as “right” or “the truth” and think of each memory as part of a whole, then maybe more of us will find the courage to share our stories.