WHAT MAKES GOOD MEMOIR? I get this question all the time when I teach. And reading your comments on this makes me think it’s time to limn that line between what is merely some great scene versus a scene that is ready for the writing.
At some point in every memoir-writing class, I tell my students about a male architect I barely knew when he married a friend of mine. For their wedding he not only designed, but also sewed, his wife’s crushed white velvet, floor-length, cut-on-the bias dress, and made her white pillbox hat to match.
Consider that scene for a moment: Another bride, another groom, another musty old church filled with people in their 30s shooting looks at the dress, the hat, this Olympics of sewing on the part of the groom, the guests getting real wide-eyed at one another, raising their palms skyward and their shoulders to their ears. Here comes the bride, and is that groom in the tux and the slender Italian eyeglass frames straight or what?
Great scene. But what is it about? A fine collection of images, but what does it illustrate? Is it a tale about the way we live now?
Just because something happens doesn’t make it interesting. Don’t believe me? Tell someone your dreams. Unless you’re paying them to listen or haven’t slept with them yet (but might), chances are they’ll go to some lengths to avoid this download of your subconscious. Call my husband. He actually gets up and leaves the room if someone tries to tell him a dream. I think that’s why we’re married. So I don’t always have to be the rude one. He looks at this watch, nods, and actually says, “Oh, look at the time,” and leaves.
What is this about? The illustration–the crushed-velvet wedding dress, the tall groom, the whispers rocketing around the old stone church–needs a context, a frame. Ever notice how the perfect frame can bring out the color in your oil painting, your photo? Same with writing. The frame, the reason for the tale, is the same thing. And the question you now must tape to your wall is, “What is this about?”
What is the wedding story about? I have no idea–yet, at least–though in the 13 years since I delighted in witnessing it (and their happy marriage), I have picked it up a thousand times and had a look, each time putting it away again. It is gorgeous, it is there, and one of these days it will tuck into a tale I’m telling, but until it makes sense, in context, it’s just a spare part waiting to be sewed onto something else.
I’ve got a million of them, thank goodness. And so do you.
_______
For those of you on your first visit, or who haven’t read them before, my series On Writing Memoir is here.
Related posts:
- Memoir, One Tip at at Time EVERYONE HAS A STORY. It’s true. And the evidence has...
- Memoir Tip: Thinking with Propinquity THINK IN PROPINQUITIES. It’s a phrase that makes me sound...
- Writing Along a Narrow Path ARE YOU WRITING SOMETHING? Oh, come on. You can tell...
- Memoir: Chopping Your Story Down to Size SCHOOL IS BACK. After a long summer of not teaching,...
- Memoir Writing: Self Congrats Are Never in the Mail SOMETIMES I CAN BE SUBTLE. And while no particular incident...
First time here? Here's the idea: 
No surprise, really, that sisterhood, often life’s longest relationship and always one of its most important, has been the Muse for so much creative self-expression by women, and also by men. 
As the suffix of its name suggests, 
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you for this reminder Marion! Framing is a great exercise for writing — and for living our lives looking forward instead of back. What has happened to us may not be as important as HOW we interpret those happenings. This can be a key to easing depression, healing relationships, and taking away the burden of a past that may be less poetic than you might have liked! I wrote about this in a story here: http://zoominlocal.com/albany-times-union;see-a9DZr136rb3Qccf9#c-407552
Hi, Joely. Welcome back. And wow, thanks for the link to that great story of yours about recasting your past. Congratulations on publishing it. Ah, that old devil interpretation: I’ll need to take that on in a future memoir post. Thanks for the prompt. Stay tuned.
Of course I am sitting here at the kitchen table these weeks and months writing a memoir, and I keep wondering, sissy, if you are posting these little gems to keep me honest and on track? Are you trying to tell me something? Sounds like. Keep the tips coming…I am not even halfway there yet.
Uh oh. Caught helping a sister. Well, it’s the best thing to be caught doing, don’t you think?