Holiday Hospitality with a Twist

by marionroach on November 25, 2009

smallyellowpad-1READY, SET, WRITE! That’s how most people think writing a memoir will go, whether it be in blog form, a series of essays or a full-length book. There once was a time when I was terribly polite about this work and what it requires. At cocktail parties when someone asked me what I do, and just above my string of pearls I’d smile and reply, “I’m a writer,” and nearly to a person, he’d say he was going to write when he retired. Nodding, I’d wish him the best with it and slink off to find the canapés, wondering what was wrong with me that I was going to devote my whole life to writing, when clearly people who were smarter than I could put it off until they got around to it.

Now, I’m not so polite. Now, when someone tells me that he is going to become a writer when he gets around to it, I reply, “And what do you do?” And sometimes he says, “Oh, I’m a brain surgeon,” and that’s my favorite reply because then I can say, “When I retire I’m going to become a brain surgeon,” with just a hint of a sneer above those pearls.

Writing is serious work and is not for the mere brain surgeons among us, but for those who resolve that 2010 is the year you finally write a memoir. And, here comes the single best time of  the year to start: The holidays, that great long stretch of time granting you myriad opportunities to see your family and take some notes. Oh! Did I say that?

I think I did.

What better time to collect some data than while baking and toasting and roasting by the fire, observing the rituals of family and finally getting some of it down and publishing it?

Here’s a two-word tip on how: Be hospitable.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Being hospitable in writing means many things, but going into this marathon of family observation let’s just choose one way to be hospitable to your memoir writing.

Let’s take notes. Literally.

smallyellowpad-1Being hospitable means getting a stack of index cards and putting one in each pocket, in the back pocket of your jeans, and taking it out at the movies when you see someone make a great transition from one emotion to the next, making note of the spare gesture employed that conveyed the change; writing down that same crazy story Aunt Ellen tells every year about carving turkeys; noting that marvelous tale of the inherited aprons; jotting down that little endearing nervous gesture your sister employs just before she let’s the turkey be carried into the dining room. Write it down. Get a few notebooks, and write things down.

But here’s the rub: This does not require an expensive digital recorder, leather notebook, or Cartier pen. That’s shopping instead of writing. That’s showing off. That’s going into debt.

Get some index cards. Write down some stuff between now and New Year. And resolve that 2010 is the year you write that memoir. When you need help, check in with us. We’ve got some tips. Write it down at the holidays and see where the new year takes you.

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Tracey Krulcik November 25, 2009 at 10:00 am

Marion I am thrilled to know that you weren’t asked if you were published, immediately following your reply that you were a writer! I thought they went together like salt and pepper. I hate pepper.

Danielle November 25, 2009 at 10:30 am

I really need to start doing this index card thing – as it is, I just sort of write what pops into my head on any scrap paper I can find. (One time, at Thanksgiving, I stole away to the bathroom to write a story my step-uncle told about running into moose in Canada on some toilet paper.) Or, if I’m lucky and near a computer, I’ll email it to myself. But index cards!

Daryl Bart November 25, 2009 at 8:34 pm

I’ve been thinking all week about your concept of ‘being hospitable” to your writing. It is a potent thought and I’ve appreciated just being prepared when the thoughts and phrases pop in uninvited. Tomorrow – a spare pen, just in case – a houseful of in-laws and unlimited drinks…..

ann gorman November 25, 2009 at 9:34 pm

Marion, I’m about to pack my just bought CVS index cards for my 2 day Thanksgiving visit at my sister’s house. I’m feeling empowered. Lets just see what develops down in Queens, NY. Have a delicious Thanksgiving. Ann

marionroach November 26, 2009 at 8:12 am

Hey there, Tracey. My favorite question, after someone declares that he is a brain surgeon (or whatever he is), is when someone asks, “Have I read anything you’ve written?” Then I can reply, “Now, just how would I know that?” Ah, the writing life. Full of joyful moments. Please come back soon. We love your salty comments.

Hi, Danielle: Oh, that’s wonderful. I’ve never done toilet paper. Match books, cocktail napkins, airline tickets, the backs of checks from my checkbook–all that. I think we need to collect a list of paper on which memoirists have resorted to writing. Get some index cards. Durable, conceal-able, they actually entice you to work, and anything that does that is a writer’s best friend. Write on, sister.

Hi there, Daryl: I’m so glad that the phrase is provocative. From what you’ve told us here I can honestly say you have the needed elements of success. Write it down, sister. And happy Thanksgiving.

Dear Ann: Thanks so much for telling us that you have your index cards packed for the holiday onslaught, er, I mean, holiday joyful time with family, don’t I? I do. I do. Really. Write it down. Just write it all down. In private, of course. And enjoy.

Paul Ehmann November 29, 2009 at 11:32 am

I have the index cards. Have the notebooks. Own several pens. Have written in the notebooks. Scribbled on the cards and have inkspots where the pen goes into my pocket. It’s coming together slowly. Today I buy a desk.

deb @talk at the table November 30, 2009 at 11:50 am

and since my memory seems to be playing games with me of late, this is on my to do list starting now. Thanks for the prompt…

marionroach November 30, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Hi, Paul. And welcome back to TSP. Well, you sound like you are all set to write. How did the desk purchase go? And what kind of good notes did you get over Thanksgiving? Stay tuned, since my next memoir post will be on what to do with those notes. Coming soon.

Oh, Deb. Oh, yeah. And since we’re all storing way too much upstairs these days, the index cards are, indeed, the perfect memory aid. Enjoy.

karen england December 1, 2009 at 12:07 am

Of late, my adorable Mother has taken to calling me the minute she has a new (old) story to tell me or, most recently, when she hears Pop tell one she thinks I’ll want to record. We have discussed the merits of Pop’s latest tale at length since it is complete and total prevarication by his own, happy admission. He thought that the story of their meeting and getting married some 52 or more years ago was a little dull and so he made up a story that was more entertaining…WAY more entertaining. How to work it into my memoir is the trick…

marionroach December 1, 2009 at 9:13 am

Hi, Karen, and welcome back to TSP. Ah, parental prevarication. Such a good question, as well as a good topic. That he does this is interesting, and you can tell us that he does it and give us examples. Maybe you speculate on why he does it; maybe you let him tell his side of what the embroidering of the tale does for him, keeping in mind that many adult children face this in older relatives and therefore will delight in discovering that it is more widespread than they knew. Either way, write on. The old journalism adage is to “go with what you’ve got.” So please do. And please come back soon.

Ellie O'Leary November 24, 2010 at 10:19 am

A writer is someone who carries a notebook. I have a tiny one I carry with me all the time, although I also sometimes use the Notes on my iPhone. I also have a collection of notecards and a nearly finished memoir.

marionroach November 28, 2010 at 11:09 am

Hi, Ellie: You are right, indeed. A writer does carry a notebook, and uses it regularly. Good for you. Write on, sister. And come back soon.

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