WHEN I FIRST LEFT LOS ANGELES for the rural slice of paradise where I now live, I had trouble adjusting to lots of things: No dinner delivery. Strangers’ insistence on actual conversations at the Post Office. Repairmen operating on their own, often secret, always elastic, schedules. But my biggest adjustment? Dialing my own speed way, way down.
Explaining to your 5-year-old why the nice policeman pulled you over is challenging the first time, humiliating the second, and excruciating the third, as said 5-year-old asks you, in nearly these exact words, why the hell you didn’t learn your lesson the first two times. “Mommy made a mistake. Again.”? It’s less than fully persuasive.
Maybe it was dread of explaining Round 4 with the state police, or perhaps my husband’s non-joking comment that he wasn’t interested in seeing me behind bars for going 45 in a 35, but the truth is: I have slowed, way, way down. And now that I’m slower? To my surprise, I am less often late, less likely to yell at my family to hurry up, and, most shocking, spend a whole lot less time sweating the million billion tiny things that plague every momma.
I’ve particularly noticed my own tortoise-like qualities (methodical, calm, and yes, slow) of late, forced as I have been for the last few months into the heretofore unfamiliar role of single parent (my husband has been on an extended trip for work, and by “extended”, you can substitute “four month long.” Not that I’m counting.) I thought I did most of the house and home heavy lifting before the H flew the coop, but I now know what it is to attempt to fulfill every need, without reinforcements, all the time. Exhausting is what it is. And yet…call me Pollyanna, but this consuming cloud does indeed have a bit of a shine to it.
Through some miracle (a religious person might call it grace, though that feels like a bit of an overstatement) I find myself less taxed, rather than more, by the greater responsibility I’m carrying. I get up earlier, without particularly minding. It’s true that I still feel the metaphorical shackles closing around my wrists while I pack lunches (for unknown reasons, this is the chore I loathe above all others, save looking for single missing socks).
But most of the time, and this is a switch, I don’t take my distaste for this chore out on my kids by being snippy and short. Most days, we make it to school on time, tunes blaring. We sing along, and even though we’re moving only at the speed of the limit (“Ticket free in 2010″ is my new motto), the ride feels fast, just like the passing of my slowed-down days.
* I do not, as a rule, use, or condone the use of, the word “groovy”, and I may never again. But the song? It seemed to fit.
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Hmm…maybe it’s the phase of the moon, but I’m also finding that I need to slow myself down. For most of the last six months, I’ve been working 40+ at work, coming home and burning the lights ’til way late to write for my blogs. In February, I accepted a column at an online news outlet, and three weeks ago I accepted a second column. But when I accepted the second column, I resolved not to overdo – two, maybe three pieces each week, at most. At the beginning of May I found my mind racing ahead to the things I had to do for June, to the point that I wasn’t living *in* May, but through it. I decided two weeks ago that was enough, and went back to working from home on Fridays, setting my alarm to go to sleep by midnight, and giving myself permission to put work aside after one hour at home. As much as I love and need to write, I love and need to survive these last six months at my day job a sane person. So I am cutting back to a manageable schedule, and slowing down to enjoy the days. Spring is too short. Life is too short. Time to live in my life, rather than through it.
Remember to take care of you while you are single-parenting, Paige – if you burn out, the five-year-old will have to pack a lunch alone.
Paige, I thoroughly enjoyed this post. It is such a generous, humorous, and in a way, poignant glimpse into your awareness of Paige in the moments. It is a good life and you are in the goodness. And that video of dyed-hair old men (my age) singing that song of my youth made me laugh and cry. Thank you, deborah (Anna’s mom)
Exactly what I needed to read this morning..thanks for the reminder of how so much of life is about paradoxes.
My move from Vegas to upstate NY meant a similar downshift, and like you it was not always easy. It’s my husband who remains the leadfoot in the car, and I’m still working on the getting up earlier, but we know we’re spoiled for more paved, populated, scheduled places. We’ll be sad to leave it when we have to.
greeeting and salutations paige,
i had a smile on my face from ear to ear as i read your essay! i too have been a single mom for long and short periods of time as my husband traveled to some exotic land, and i have also been ticketed for speeding in front of liam in that very zone. I heartily agree, it is a completely cringeworthy moment, and not to mention, it was also very very pricey — i loved your piece, it was such an honestly lovely drive for me down memory lane! thank you…
ana
How appropriate this was! I always enjoy your writing, and love your house in the country. So much that I blogged about it. I am making some big adjustments today, as I am leaving a part-time job that ended up being more than I wanted. Not sure why I felt I needed to fill the hours of my day, perhaps guilt that I don’t work and don’t have kids (yet). Between keeping up our home, blogging, gardening, volunteering, church and just trying to maintain friendships, I am beat. So thanks for the reminder that there is sanity in slowness.
Thanks for this “just in time” reminder. It might be funny certainly but it is as least curious how much easier it is to speed up the pace of life than to slow down. Maybe we are wired that way?
At one point years ago I had a rental car while my own was undergoing repairs after a collision. It seemed I couldn’t go anywhere in that car without speeding. I wondered at the time if my driving was reflective of my hurry to get my own car (read:life) back.
Glad you are mostly enjoying life lived observing the speed limit(s).
You always say it so well. I wish all the teaching you do for me was not so long-distance, but from the “observation deck” of 3000 miles away, you’re doing an amazing job. xoxo JL
I enjoyed your essay and reminder that it will still happen at a slower pace. I went out to pick what is left of our garden this morning. A few tomatos and some carrots still safely in the ground until I need them.
Our extended family has grown larger with the Wedding of Our grandson, Owen. it was a lovely wedding in St. Louis. It was nice to meet and share addresses with the new extended family. If you are interested in seeing pictures, go to Lance @ozier .com